January 2022
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Month January 2022

Now Magnet

They say having a baby changes your life. And it does.

They mention sleeping less, and the new kind of cosmic love. These things are true. But I noticed something else too. Something I wasn’t expecting. My baby pulls me into the moment. He’s a now magnet.

If I drift from the moment, he calls out and says, “remain.” But what I’m learning now is to shape the moment I’m in. It dawned on me a few days ago that when I have him in the afternoon we can go out together. This seems like a simple thing, but for a new Dad, it was a revelation.

So I get time alone with our boy then. When we first started this arrangement, I wasn’t quite used to being with him in that part of the day so we would go from the kitchen to the living room to his room to the basement (where there is a carpeted TV room) and then back again. I was hesitant to leave the house.

In time though I came to understand the cycle: Ilgaz leaves, and two hours later I take him to see her for 15 minutes or so so he can eat. Then home for a nap, after which he eats, then Ilgaz arrives home and he goes to bed.

What he always knew though, is that within that simple time structure there are infinite moments of now-awareness to be explored together. Infinite variety, it’s so beautiful. Maybe it’s because I’m a new parent I have gaga eyes for whatever he does. But I think it has something to do with being present. I notice a new way he’s moving, or a new look on his face. There was some joke I heard somewhere about a parent getting excited about a mundane thing his kid did, “did you see that? He pointed … and he meant it!” It’s a level of detail that takes a lot of awareness. And its beautiful.

So here’s to noticing and babies and moments. And now.